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A warm July day, the smell of barbeque in the air, traveling to a friend’s pool or even welcoming family and friends into your own home and backyard to gather around one another in celebration of our independence. That independence our American soldiers fought for, and continue to fight for in the name of Freedom and Justice for all. 

The independence so many of us take for granted, while so many more yearn for it still. 

That home you open up to your loved ones, some 2,000 miles away a person had to flee. Thousands of people living in such dangerous and distraught conditions that they walked away from their home to risk everything for a chance at a better life. The same better life Americans went to war for the right to have just 250 years ago. 

So, before you get too carried away with your 4th of July plans, and despite the fact that I should have written this a month ago because you’ve probably already blown your hard earned U.S. dollars in the form of pyrotechnics and exciting explosions at the very same time children were being separated from their families at the border…but, here I am, just two days before the holiday to initiate a CHALLENGE! And I hope it’s the biggest internet challenge the world’s ever seen.

I CALL FOR ALL INDIVIDUALS, ORGANIZATIONS, AND CITIES TO CALL OFF THEIR FIREWORK DISPLAYS AND DONATE THE MONEY TO REUNITING CHILDREN with FAMILIES! 

CHILDREN ARE SUFFERING without their families in detention facilities across the nation; Flint STILL doesn’t have clean water; hundreds of indigenous women have gone missing and been murdered; and, this is worth repeating: families are fleeing their HOMES and risking everything to find a better life for their children… and then are separated for sometimes months….and then placed in unsanitary and inhumane living quarters…All of this is going on, and how many of you are going to party this weekend, maybe even more than once, to celebrate your freedom and independence? 

And I’m not just talking about donating the money on reuniting the 5,000+  children separated from their families at the U.S. Mexico border. I am talking about ALL children. 

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Invest in ENDING  CHILD ABUSE and CHILD NEGLECT and invest in saving living children’s lives. 

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Instead of spending our money on explosives and food and alcohol and wasting our time numbing out the pain of the world, why don’t we all step up and do something REAL about the suffering? 

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 Let’s step up and open our homes and adopt the children living in FOSTER HOMES. 

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Let’s focus our efforts and money (not on explosives!) but on locating and busting up every existing sex trafficking and child trafficking ring and reunite those women and children with their families. 

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Let’s release every non-violent drug offender nationwide and reunite those men and women with their families, and while we’re at it, free every non-violent adolescent who’s behind bars and instead invest in rehabilitation and wellness. 

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Let’s truly celebrate INDEPENDENCE by giving everything we have to honoring the lives of these children. Stop the unnecessary, expensive and trauma-producing (just think of the animals!) explosions and donate your money to REUNITING FAMILIES!!!

I feel like John B. from “S-Town” sometimes, when I think about the world. Like John B., I don’t understand how people aren’t all outraged (and I can’t believe how successful TV and videos games and other media built around violence and objectification have been at desensitizing the masses and making reality so easy to dismiss and ignore.) And like John B., my mind wanders to conspiracies and goes down rabbit holes and can end up in some pretty dark places.

If I didn’t have a better disposition and practice in mindfulness and positivity, then I would certainly fall into deep depression like John B. did (and I might even understand his temptation to just leave it all behind). 

But unlike John B., I am not uncomfortable in crowded room, (in fact, I think we here in the U.S. need more crowded rooms and more interaction with one another. I can’t prove it (yet) but I think all of the separation and independence and big buildings built around families that separate community is to blame for many of the challenges that plague our planet, like climate change, racism, child abuse, sexual assault, toxic masculinity, gun violence, suicide and mass incarceration, to name a few.) On the contrary, I want to invite as many people to the table as possible and have these tough conversations with everyone imaginable. I want to learn from as many perspectives as possible so that the answer to life’s greatest questions can allow us to heal together once and for all.  

Tomorrow, a compassionate and thoughtful leader that I have been following will take the stage as one of the female candidates for the 2020 democratic nomination. Marianne Williamson is one to watch. I look forward to hearing what she has to say on Thursday, and I will most certainly writing more about her in the coming weeks. 

It has been a really long time since I posted, and the longer I wait, the more I feel like I have to catch all my readers up from the last time, and that’s a bit daunting, so I am going to limit my update for now to the biggest lessons I’ve learned or have come to accept in the twelve months since I moved back to the U.S. with the intention of empowering other women.

1.  This is still my mission but it’s taking unexpected shapes and is ever-evolving. 
2. I cannot separate this from my role in education and I am applying to grad school later this year to study Educational Policy with the desire to one day be the Secretary of Education and/or another role instrumental to complete education reform in the name of wellness and equity. 
3. I believe everyone should be more engaged in their civic responsibility and that the best way to do this is by getting involved directly with your local community, and finding one cause for which to immediately start taking action.
4. There are so many important and tough conversations I want to have with you and so many other people. If you know anyone who you think would enjoy my blog and talking about the big ideas, please send them my way. I want to expand my audience because I humbly believe I have some great questions and good ideas and am driven by compassion and making this world a better place for all.   
5. Change starts at home. (and that can mean many different things)

Going forward, I am going to do my best to post frequent musings that make you think, but more importantly, I want to inspire you to act. I pose many questions and possibilities and connect you with resources. I want to test my theories. I want to hear your thoughts. I have a lot of ideas and opinions and an inquisitive mind and a deep passion to solve some of the world’s problems, but I don’t know all of the answers though sometimes I carry on like I do. None of us do. And no one of us can find the answers alone. I need your help to find solutions, because I really want this world to be ok. This isn’t about me, and it isn’t about being right. It is about having a conversation. 

As I send this out today, I am doing so with the intention of posting much more often, and keep the conversations short and thought-provoking. It isn’t going to be perfect. 

As I send this out today, I do so with some fear, feelings of inadequacy, and the admission that I still have so much to learn. And as a white person, I have a lot to unlearn and a lot of stepping back to do. 

To the Spiritual White Women out there who are reading this, I especially invite you into these conversations with me. Layla Saad spoke out to you two years ago in her viral letter and has continued graciously speaking to us, teaching us, and inviting us in and now I want to talk to you about what we can do to better support the work of Layla, and the work at Catrice M. Jackson, and the work of Beyonce, and Ruth Buffalo, and Matika Wilbur and Adrienne Keene and….so many other amazing indigenous and black women of color who are giving so much of themselves to help us be better. We women all need to stand together now and lift each other up, and that’s what a lot of this blog is going to be about going forward. How to be kind, but take no shit.

Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum

(In case anyone’s head goes there: I am not mad at Men. This time in which we live and the actions women are taking to preserve our autonomy is not a war against Men. We know there are great Men who aren’t out there being Bastards, and we want them to hold their fellow male-counterparts accountable to stop being Bastards. (We are mad at the Bastards, the abusers, the rapists, the mad men, the bad men….the Bastards. Are. Going. Down.)

Women, in this blog, going forward, I am speaking directly to you. To you women who sense that they could be doing more but aren’t sure how. To the women who need a little push to be their absolute best. To the women ready to embrace their inner-goddess-warrior-wisdom and Unite to give birth to the best and more informed and empowered female leaders and bring healing and balance to this country once and for all. Women, we are too strong and to woke and too #metoo to let Trump or anyone like him be elected EVER AGAIN, right?  We gotta run our asses off to take every seat we can in 2020. We can NEVER let TRUMP or anyone like him ever have a chance in the highest seat in our land ever again. 

Not since Layla Saad’s challenge took the world by storm, or Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale reached even more through Hulu’s fantastic reproduction. And not since Brene Brown and Educated, and Becoming, and Homecoming and Clarissa Pinkola Smith and leaning in and #metoo. We are not going back. 

The time is NOW to take this country into deserving hands. We must listen to all of the candidates in the debates and have high standards and get active where we are so that WE women make the decision and OWN it in 2020. 2020 is the year for ALL WOMEN.

Again, if you know any women who would be interested in having these conversations with me, please send them a link to BeanCarriesOn.com.

I look forward to speaking with you again soon.

The large falling snowflakes had me seriously considering staying inside; Even after I started walking, I turned around once to return back to my sister’s apartment, telling myself, It’s too wet and slick, I didn’t wear the right shoes, No one’s going to be there. Then I thought, The ancestors of this land walked in this snow, lived in this. Out in the elements made them more in tune. Marchers recalled the Trail of Tears to steel themselves again the heavy snow and icy wind.

Turning around felt like turning my back on the ancestors who marched across this land, true soldiers for Mother Nature, Earth Protectors, Water Protectors. Keepers of the Earth. It felt like turning my back on everyone who fought before me, fought to preserve this land and protect the water. Everyone who has to keep fighting every day for their very existence.

And like every one who carries on the in face of adversity, be it weather or ridicule or violence, I was grateful I endured.

Speakers from each generation and gender, including a two-spirit, and from all different life experiences, spoke about the adversities the Native Peoples have faced historically and present day. From the abusive boarding schools and national mantras provoking “Kill the Indian, save the man,” to the diseases and genocides brought upon them, and to the women who have gone missing and the statistics of abduction and assault that are higher than any other demographic in the US,  they have endured and endured and endured.

And yet. Each of their messages amplified gratitude and hope. Rather than mourn the smaller crowd or the cold weather, they celebrated the gift of the snow. Mni wiconi. Water is life.

They talked about the importance of being here to fight for everyone: For the elders, for the children, to empower the youth to take action so the elders can rest before their finals days. They reiterated that their fight is for all people: all indigenous people all around the world, those still in their homelands, like their brothers and sisters in South America, in Africa and Asia, and also for those who have fled to new lands, like the Europeans who colonized their land (my words, not theirs).

Those spoke on behalf of the women who were not there to speak for themselves, those who lost their lives and those who lost their spirit through abuse, abductions, and human trafficking. They spoke of the shockingly low number of cases of assault which are reported by the department of Justice, opposed to the true number.

They spoke of how proud they were of all of the young ones who are rising up to use their voices and are making sure to be seen. They encouraged one another to continue to work with the White People who are their allies, and they shared ways they continue to hold onto their culture, despite how many of the tribes have lost so much, including their language. Colorado was home to many indigenous tribes: Utes, Apache, Arapaho, Pueblo, Shoshone, Comanche, Kiowa, Cheyenne, Pawnee, and Zuni. Over the generations, people from many more tribes have moved to Denver and other Colorado cities. They spoke of their struggles, and the tone was reverent yet hopeful.

One young lady shared stories of her mother’s experiences in boarding school, of looking back at the yearbooks and noticing how many children who attended, never returned home….beaten or neglected to death. She spoke of the countless attempts throughout history White Man has made to erase them;  Their resilience this day was so obvious as they stood before the capital blanketed in snow. They would not be erased. They will not be. They are still here. Their very existence a show of resistance. She acknowledged how speaking up about their past has elicited their haters to call them Snowflakes, and her response was this: “They can go ahead and call us Snowflakes, because snowflakes are beautiful and each one is unique, and when enough snowflakes get together, they change entire landscapes.”

Everything about this event showed time and time again that the wisdom, brilliance, and gentleness of Native Americans must be honored, preserved, and amplified.  If we as humans are going to ever truly find a healthy relationship with the planet earth, we must honor the wisdom of these caretakers. They hold deep knowledge of the planet and I am afraid we aren’t going to be able to save our planet unless we listen to the Native Americans and their traditions and their ways of honoring Mother Earth without depleting her resources.

This event also got me thinking that here in the U.S. we have such an awesome and amazing advantage of having people from all over the world here, and people all over the world who continue to want to be here. We have been so immature and insane not to take full advantage of our unique circumstances of diversity in the US !!!!!!! Like the Sikh Americans who are preparing and serving meals to the furloughed government employees who are not being paid. Or the Chinese woman from the motel I stayed at last weekend: There is so much beauty and hospitality and generosity and grace in each culture, and we are depriving ourselves and our children of so much when we close doors or build walls to those opportunities to grow in empathy and grace and gratitude and humility.

Let us breathe together and be grateful for all that we have, and open our arms, not push people away or build walls around the bounty we have.

We are smart enough to solve the problem of illegal immigration while still holding doors and arms open to those who come here to seek a better life for themselves, and ESPECIALLY for those who come to escape fear, persecution, danger, war, etc. etc. We are better than walls. We are bigger than walls. We are a country of well educated and innovative leaders, both in and out of politics (especially thanks to the recent elections which have resulted in more women and more diversity in general in the house and senate than ever before).  We have so many amazing and talented people completely capable of making savvy and effective choices if given the opportunity. Mr. President: I am talking to you. Get more people involved in finding solutions that everyone can agree on.

For me, it comes down to taking care….of our self. Each other. The elders. The children. Mother Earth. Our rights. The rights of others. I will never stop writing and never stop fighting until everyone has the same rights and freedoms as I do. I will never stop. And neither will the resilient, brilliant warriors and sisters, Native men and women and two-spirits who are still here fighting every day, come rain or come snow, for a better future.  

#mmiw #mmiwg #nomorestolensisters #whyImarch #ipmdenver19 #standwithus
@indigenouspeoplesmovement

Tonight I will express my greatest right as an American by filling out a ballot with my name on it, my opinions. I will exercise my privilege tomorrow when I turn it in and have it counted without question at my nearest polling location.

I believe this right belongs unequivocally to ALL citizens of the United States. I know that if I exercise my privilege responsibly, that someday, this right will belong to ALL.

Tonight, on Election Eve, I put on some music and started dancing and unpacking from being away from home for the last 18 days, thinking about crawling under a blanket and getting cozy with my thoughts and my ballot, a coveted way I exercise my privilege and freedom.

As I danced around my studio apartment, I felt immense gratitude for my freedom, and my rights. Freedom and rights (systems of the very same government with which I am about to engage) which are being violently and discreetly withheld from others. I recognize my paradox: I must participate in the system to break the system.

Sometimes, when I think about my freedom, I ugly cry. I feel it so deeply and joyously that my face distorts and light beams from every orifice, and I feel so beautiful. I will always exercise my Freedom by voting.

I am so grateful for my freedom and my rights that it makes me dance in joy and laughter.

But I am not satisfied. In so many ways I am such a disappointed woman.

I will never be satisfied until ALL people have the same privileges as I do, the same as every white man and woman in the U.S. Until EVERY person gets to vote. Until every person can freely and safely stand, sit, or kneel wherever they damn well please, and fill out their ballot regardless of their past or address.

I know I am not alone in my anger, disappointment, disgust, and fear about the state of things in the U.S. and around the world. But I also see every single day that I am out there doing this work, that NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE ANGRY. (And just because I am angry doesn’t mean I am going to be violent. I’m not a loser white man.)

I’m sitting here at my table looking at a copy of the speech “A Disappointed Woman” delivered by Lucy Stone at the National Woman’s Rights Convention from 1855.

As grateful I am for early feminists, I also know that the white women fighting for suffrage did not, most of them, have black women in mind. Or at least, if black women were in the white women’s minds, the ideas didn’t cross their lips. But I am not so quiet.

“It shall be the business of my life to deepen this disappointment in every woman’s heart until she bows down to it no longer.” (Stone)

I accept this as my work, also, Stone. I will not bow down. I will always stand up and fight for my fellow People.

I am beyond disappointed in the White Man laws made with “no basis except in the usages and prejudices of the age” (Stone). Beyond disappointed in the remnants of these laws that are still being used today to hinder….restrain….obstruct…..deny……punish…..build walls up around…..rape….destroy….systematically and slowly erode the foundation of…. an entire culture–nope, not just one culture. Cultures—plural! White men-serving laws made by white men cowardly in power and meant to punish black men and strip them of their rights…..THESE LAWS are still being used to OBSTRUCT THE ADVANCEMENT OF ANYONE WHO IS NOT A CIS-WHITE MAN, most especially black people, indigenous people, brown people, and people of color in general. THESE LAWS which have systematically destroyed entire cultures (and the whole time shouting “Freedom” and “Justice for All” )…..THESE LAWS which created and enabled so many fucked up systems are deeply ingrained in our cultural identity and show up in so many terrible, dangerous, and….simply frightening ways.

I can’t do any more tonight except to ask you once more before tomorrow’s election, to look into your heart, and then look out to your neighbors, and do what is required of you to make Democracy work: Vote FOR THE PEOPLE. Vote for the People whose voices are not yet equally and fairly represented in our government seats and in our government’s offices. We do have the power to give the power back to the PEOPLE.

Vote before 7 pm on November, 6^th.

I leave you with these parting words:

“The ballot is stronger than the bullet.” (Abe Lincoln)

Why do you think white men have allowed black people to have so many guns, but still keep them from voting?

Vote for everyone who still can’t. Vote for every child who lives in fear every day right here in the United States.

 

This piece is dedicated to the strong young woman who once delivered an essay to me over the phone, who just witnessed my first Live video. To Monica. Power to the People!