About Being a Bean

Those dearest to me often call me Bean, or Jilly Bean. It has always been a term of endearment. A sign of love.

This weekend, on Saturday, Jan. 21st, it became even more than that to me. As I scrolled through my facebook feed looking at pictures of all the women and men marching for women’s rights–rights the 45th president is threatening the nation with revoking, rights like affordable health care, funding for Planned Parenthood,domestic violence programs, and safe abortions–I came across a quote: “They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds” (quote by Dinos Christianopoulos). 

These two simple sentences hit me like a ray of sunshine after a gentle rainstorm–they warmed my body like a perfectly heated bath. In this moment, Bean became not just a name my family calls me, but a symbol for who I am. This quote spoke to me so loudly because I, too, have experienced the weight of being buried, and now I also know the relief and freedom of sprouting.

For a while, I let that weight settle over me, resigning myself to darkness and unhappiness, pretending things were fine when really I could barely breathe.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting over that time in my life when I was most unhappy and about what eventually allowed me to break free from those circumstances, advice I plan to share with others soon; I have set new intentions for my life, and big goals for my future. On this day, this quote confirmed for me that I really am going to make it.

The old me, the one who felt helpless and lacked control of her own life, she is dead and buried now. She left behind some scars, but she left many more lessons, and she left me stronger than ever, ready to sprout into a new, strong, powerful life force.

The old me is buried and the new me is ready to climb to new heights, just like the magic beans in the story “Jack and the Beanstalk”; I will be the ladder, the support that gives everyone a step up to a better life (without the outcome of it all tumbling down because of a giant monster!). Though I’m not yet ready to reveal my magic, it will come to no surprise to you that it has to do with education.

I am a seed, a Bean, and I have broken through the topsoil.