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About What It Isn’t

April 12, 2017 By Bean Leave a Comment

I don’t normally share my poems, but it’s not a normal day, and that isn’t a terrible thing. So. Here’s a poem I wrote:

 

It’s not the chickens pecking

at the newly scattered corn

that I grew in my garden

just for them, and

it’s not the bees, or

the chickens or

the goat’s milk cheese, and

it definitely isn’t

owning a tiny house on a hill

protected all around by trees

and wildflowers picked

specifically

to add flavor to the honey–

no, it’s not that.

It’s not the stars on my Maps

of places I still want to see.

It’s not even the special places

I want to see

with someone special, and

it’s not watching my niblings

grow up (okay, it’s a little bit that), or

visiting friends around the world, including

those I still get to meet, and

it’s not all that I’m going to accomplish

in my career: the degrees,

the opportunities to lead, or

the paths I’m going to pave

as I teach the world to read, and,

no, it’s not even all the new

foods I still have to eat

that make me glow from

my toes to me cheeks

when I talk about

my future.

Filed Under: Favorites, Food, Self-Love, Teaching, Travel Tagged With: growing, happiness, life, love, travel

About Independence and Adventure

September 11, 2016 By Bean 1 Comment

After my proclamation to make the most of this life, Sao Paulo stepped up to the challenge, starting with this lovely sunrise Monday morning! The rest of the week was equally lovely.

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Quote by Howard Thurman

First, things are really clicking with my students. I have shifted my expectations a bit, in terms of culturally accepted behavior, and kept high expectations for their work, and we are all moving steadily forward. I am so lucky to have a job that I love. It makes the rest of my time in life much more fulfilling.

Second, this was truly a week to celebrate independence. Wednesday, 7 de setembro, was Brazil’s Independence Day (won from Portugal in 1822). However, compared to the over-the-top patriotism shown by Americans on the Fourth of July, the general attitude here was apathetic, like, There are still too many things wrong in our country to be celebrating this (Carnival is another story! 🙂 ) When the national anthem finished playing, an eerie silence fell over the full room. Expecting loud American-style-cheers to erupt at that moment like in the U.S., the silence felt strange and made me sad. Though it also made me grateful for the pride and joy Americans feel about our independence, and it reminded me of my joy for my own personal independence—having just passed the one-year anniversary of my divorce.

Isn’t it strange that freedom often requires fighting, that peace requires fighting? But, oh how sweet it is once we get it. It makes each moment of my life more rewarding, because I fought hard to get where I am today.

Teachers, students, and many others were granted a day of
freedom from work and school on the 7th, so I enjoyed my independence by shopping with friends, eating from a feijoada buffet, drinking spiked coconut juice, napping on my couch, and dancing to live music. I couldn’t ask for a much better respite.img_2633img_2631

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Foojammers at Willi Willie

 

 
Third, I’m making many new friends; sadly, one of them is moving away. A sweet man warned me that this would be one of the biggest rewards and challenges of living abroad—meeting amazing people, and turning around to have to tell them goodbye. Better to have loved and lost rather than to never love at all, right? This friend and her husband threw quite a lovely clear-out-the-liquor-cabinet-party, which unleashed my inner, unbeknownst-until-now, karaoke queen. I can’t recall all of the songs I sang, solo and with various singing partners, but I do know I was challenged to sing “Sorry Miss Jackson,” “Like a G6,” and “Drop it Like it’s Hot,” so I channeled my inner OG from west-side Weldona, and I killed it. Hahaha! It was so much fun, you guys! I have found a new hobby.

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mocoto

The adventure continued yesterday by trying a traditional “poor-man’s food.” Made from cow’s feet, beans and vegetables, mocoto has a flavorful base. A little sour and a little bitter, but good. However, translucent tendons were enough to turn my stomach away from being able to eat much more than a few spoonsful of the thick soup, and I don’t think I’ll be trying it again. Thankfully, there was plenty of other really good food at this small restaurant named after the soup: my new favorite, escondidinho. Filled with carne and queijo (beef and cheese) and some onions and peppers, it reminded me of shepherd’s pie.img_2672 Baiao-de-Dois was another star: rice and beans with “curdled cheese, sausage, bacon, and jerked beef.” Their farofa was the best I’ve had since I got here, and that bowl of white stuff next to my beer, that’s a bowl of cheese spread that made me very happy. We also had some pork that rocked. Amazing food here, and each time I try something new I think of, and miss my Dad. He’s going to love all of this great food, maybe even the mocoto, and I hope to share all of it with him. (How’s that passport coming along, Dad?)
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The rest of the night continued to feed my soul: watching a lovely performance by the singer Cèu, witnessing a vibrant Samba practice, riding on the back of a motorcycle, shooting

pool… it was the perfect night and the perfect way to “end” the first week of my truly-intentional-living. Let the journey continue….

http://www.beancarrieson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/87385F36-0F91-44A1-B216-D731A143DBCE.m4v

 

Filed Under: Food, News, Self-Love, Travel Tagged With: dancing, eating, expectations, feijoada, food, friends, independence, karaoke, life, motoco, music, pool, Sao Paulo, singing, sunrise, teaching, travel

About Living with Intention

July 26, 2016 By Bean 1 Comment

Girl, Special, Bokeh, Back, Hands, Blond, Yoga, SportsSTART HERE IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT MY BACKGROUND AND WHAT INSPIRED ME TO WRITE TODAY: (Skip down if you just want to hear about what’s going on in my travels)

Over the years I have practiced yoga on and off. It started in college, mainly because I thought the instructor was really cute–though I was never “crunchy” enough to catch his attention–but I did learn that I enjoyed the time on the mat, as it was so very relaxing–so much so that I would sometimes fall asleep during savasana. Relaxing exercise was brand new to me, but clearly something I needed. I grew up in a rather stressful household, and my first year in college taught me a lot about what I needed and enjoyed rather than what I had been conditioned to think I needed. (I LOVE my family, and I have a ton to be thankful for regarding my upbringing, but with seven of us in one house, there was often chaotic fighting….over the remote, the computer, the last chicken wing, and a plethora of other things.) Exercise had always been a part of my life, but in more aggressive forms: volleyball or basketball, wrestling over aforementioned remote controls, or maybe a bike ride or a run, never something calm and soothing like yoga. And I quickly learned how much I needed something relaxing like that, just like I learned in college that I didn’t need the TV on to concentrate on my studies.

I’m already getting off subject…carrying on as I tend to. Anyways, what brought me to write today was a yoga video. https://youtu.be/oBu-pQG6sTY if you’re interested. Although I am not a beginner, I am trying to build a new habit, and I am WAY out of practice, so this seemed like a good way to get my body back into the flow of yoga. And what stood out to me during this short workout–other than how weak my core muscles are—was the instructor’s word, “Intention.” This word also came up recently when I walked a labyrinth in Denver about a week before my move to Sao Paulo; both exercises ask that their participants set an intention for their time spent completing the activity. Before walking the labyrinth, you were to set an intention for your meditation, and the same is true with yoga practice. My argument is that we adopt this into our daily lives–into each action of our day. To set an intention for our life. Each day. Every morning. My intention is to have a peaceful day, to listen to one new song, to say hello to a stranger, to smile when I notice I am becoming frustrated—whatever it is, big or small, I believe calling attention to our desired outcomes could do us all some good. It raised your awareness and causes you to act intentionally.

My intention for doing yoga today was simply to feel better, because after a nauseating bus ride home, and eating SOOOOO many calories at my new job today (more on that later!) I knew that I needed to be deliberate when I got home (to my first EVER solo-living quarters in my nearly 30 years of life) to do something to relax. Just to feel better. To breathe deeply, to slow down, and to feel better. I used to smoke pot and put on TV at the end of a long day, or if I had a headache, or when I came home to my toxic ex. But that’s over now, and my intention is to create new habits for myself. My main intention for leaving the country was to push myself to become a better and more complete version of myself, and to leave behind the version of myself I created in order to survive. Survive what, you might ask?…..cropped-119H.jpg

I was in a really unhealthy place for a looooong time. Unhealthy emotionally, and unhealthy physically. I lost myself in a bad relationship for way too many years. Maybe people didn’t know it was bad because I did a good job hiding it (at least I think I did–some people could tell how bad it was even before I knew). I lost my voice, I lost way too much weight, I lost some friends (the best ones are still around–thank Goodness!), I lost a lot of connetions to my family, and I lost faith–in the World and in myself. I lost the ability to trust myself. I nearly lost my love for teaching because the person I was with worked so hard to make me hate my job, my number one passion. Just thinking about how low I was by being in that relationship makes me lose composure as I write this……but I am so thankful that I didn’t lose all my strength, that I hadn’t lost ALL my self-trust and self-worth, that I was able to finally see it for what it was and get myself out of an extremely unhealthy and toxic environment. For any of you out there who have given up hope and feel stuck in a bad place, please know that you can get out of it and get back on your feet. It won’t always be easy, but leaving bad relationships (romantic or platonic–toxic is toxic) is necessary for you to feel good again. (And you can’t change people unless they want to change.) I’m not saying it will be easy…..I mean, just that 30 minute yoga routine was not easy, but I did it because it fulfilled my intention. And I left a marriage because I realized my true intention for life: to be happy. The hard stuff is what makes us better. No pain, no gain.

And although my transition into my new life in Brazil has been nearly pain free (not the saying goodbye part—that was hard and painful as hell), it is hard. It is hard to adjust to a new life, and I’m going to have many hard parts of this journey to discuss later, but, if you are still with me, the following is going to be about my AMAZING new school where I will have the pleasure of teaching (and eating) for the next two years. Summer Break is officially over!

 

Chapel School

Chapel School

START HERE IF YOU JUST WANT TO READ ABOUT MY NEW LIFE IN SAO PAULOJ So, today I got to explore Chapel School. It is a beautiful campus filled with life. The people I will be working with are kind and compassionate and intentional about the culture they create (as was my last school, which was an amazing place to work for the last five years and difficult to leave). The space is truly inspiring and peaceful. It is a K-12 school, which is the kind of school I grew up in, with around 800 students from around the world, which is nothing like the school I grew up in. It is surrounded by a tropical/jungle-like environment. I have heard that monkeys will run across the window-sills outside, just like squirrels would in Brighton—and I CAN’T WAIT to experience that!! Tomorrow I will explore the grounds some more, but today was more about touring the buildings, and eating. Really, I ate six times today: we were served coffee four times throughout the day, each time accompanied by a variety of baked goods like pão de queijo, powdered donut holes filled with chocolate, some other tasty pastry, and lots of fresh fruit (strawberries, passion fruit, watermelon, honeydew) then later by some mini-chicken pot pie-like-bites- of-heaven. Lunch was (and will continue to be) a buffet of so much deliciousness…salad, roasted and seasoned veggies, a carrot-au gratin that just melted in my mouth, and steak…always steak here. Honestly, with just about every meal—AT LEAST once a day, I have had some tasty steak, sometimes picanha and sometimes other cuts, but always so good. Oh, and there was some tasty caramel cake for dessert at lunch also. I am going to have to work really hard not to put on too much excess weight while I’m here, because everything is SOOOOOO tasty.

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Ok, back to the school…..the buildings are beautiful and really well-maintained. There are two libraries (elementary and high school), two gyms, a fabulous computer lab, a chapel, an auditorium, and lovely classrooms with verandas in the elementary wings. I’m sure I’m forgetting some other important details about the beautiful building, but one thing I have to mention (but failed to get pictures of) is the vast amount of art decorating the hallways. Some student work, and much professional work bedecks the hallways and office spaces, as Chapel hosts a biannual art show and clearly has a focus on fine arts as part of their well-rounded education.

 

Something that I really enjoyed about today’s Professional Development was all of the “Brain Breaks” the admin team worked into the lessons/discussions. I learned that a person’s age multiplied by three is the average amount of time a person is able to sit and focus on something. I learned that I am able to throw a paper ball over my head and catch it behind my back about three times out of ten. I re-learned (because I have experienced this stuff before) that little breaks like this are majorly important and effective ways to re-energize a group of people, and can be used intentionally to create focus and culture in a group of people. Despite the slight dizziness I still feel from the bus-ride home, which I am going to have to learn how to deal with since it will be my mode of transportation to and from work every day, I feel completely motivated, inspired, and energized to go into this year and make a positive impact on my students.IMG_1880

My intention here at Chapel is to continue building positive relationships as a role-model for teenagers, to continue inspiring a love for writing and reading, and to grow as much as I can as an educator. And I know I’m going to need my strength for that, emotionally and physically, so I’m going to keep doing yoga, and I hope you’ll join me, if not on the mat, then in setting an intention for yourself.

 

Filed Under: News, Travel Tagged With: challenges, intention, starting over, teaching, toxic relationships, travel, yoga

Sao Paulo

July 24, 2016 By Bean Leave a Comment

IMG_1797Sao Paulo is a fascinating city. I am amazed at how comfortable I feel here already. Not being able to speak Portuguese yet makes things a little tricky, but I am lucky to be here with many expats who are willing to navigate the city and order food for me as we get acquainted with our new home. Speaking of food, they really do speak my language here: meat. So much meat. My first meal here consisted of two different cuts of steak, a pork chop, a piece of sausage, and some chicken, shared between the table, and we helped ourselves to a cold salad bar. I was so full from that meal that all I had was a small sandwich I made from the contents of my well-stocked fridge and pantry at my apartment in Moema.

An apple and granola bar kept me satiated the next morning while we stopped by the doctor’s office for the required physical exam for work. Then, omelets and sandwiches from a local bakery, paired with fresh juice, hit the spot. IMG_1753

 

Last night, I had my first caipirinha–delicious and strong!–feiojada–a pureed bean soup served with parsley and bacon– and picanha do juarez fatiada, which is a raw steak seasoned with salt and garlic–thinly sliced–which you cook at your table on a hot griddle….

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Filed Under: Art, Travel Tagged With: art, drinking, eating, food, Moema, parks, Sao Paulo, travel

The Things Bean Carried

July 22, 2016 By Bean 6 Comments

 

Inspired by Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried*

*I’ve never been to war, and I am not in the military; I have a lot of fight in me, and I’ve been through some battles. Love is a battlefield, sure. The classroom. The house I grew up in. The marriage I left; I’ve had my share of battles, but like a warrior (my high school mascot) I carry on.

She carried her laughter, her lightness, and something quite new: skepticism. Just enough to keep her safe, yet new enough that it felt heavy, like a pair of boots that haven’t yet been broken in. You’re aware of them because they are a little bit uncomfortable both because they are new, but also because you wish you didn’t need boots. You wish you could just go around barefoot, but you can’t anymore because you’ve stubbed your toe and stepped on stickers too many times.  But the boots also meant she still had hope and that she was able to learn. She carried her hope proudly. She carried just enough hope to keep her happy, and she had been carrying that for as long as she could remember, and it kept her light. And it was caused by years of witnessing goodness, by watching people in public treating others with kindness, by seeing an outpouring of support in times of need, by all of her students who she’d seen do incredible things, by her family members who also hoped for the best. Hope was like a rainbow: You knew it took a storm to create, and that made it even more beautiful. She carried laughter with her always. And she was learning to take it out even more. She laughed at herself all the time. It was the best way she found to deal with things. She would always carry these things: hope, lightness, laughter, and caution….

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Filed Under: Favorites, Travel Tagged With: life, moving, overcoming challenges, travel

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Jillian. Jill. Jilly. Jilly Bean. Bean. It helped that I was all legs and full of energy. String Bean, Bouncing Bean. I liked keeping secrets but I loved to spill the beans. Bean Carries On is my garden. A place to cultivate thoughts about the things I care about. I’m a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a gardener, a reader, an artist, a cook, and an empath.

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Jillian. Jill. Jilly. Jilly Bean. Bean. And like a seed in soil, "Bean" stuck. Bean Carries On is my garden. A place to cultivate thoughts about the things I care about. I’m a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a gardener, a reader, an artist, a cook, and an empath. I want this to be a place where we can learn together, so please leave comments and if there's anything you want to know, please ask!

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